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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
“The darndest things.” -kids
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!