Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen