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Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.