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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
I just threw up my weekend.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point