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Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Gym update: not there
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
You look like I need another drink
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...