Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.