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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do