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I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park