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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
For Christmas I just want summer...
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.