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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.