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I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before