Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.