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I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?