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I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, Iām gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Iām not going bald. Iām getting more head.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.