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IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
I fake my LOLs
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!