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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.