Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole