Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps