Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing