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I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Smelling another person should be a choice.