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One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Sex, do it for the kids.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.