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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist