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Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.