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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!