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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie