Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.