Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?