Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.