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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.