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something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
The word bed looks like a bed.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.