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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.