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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.