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My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule