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They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?