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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.