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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Smooth move.........ExLax
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds