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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol