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I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues