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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.