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I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.