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It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
So can we just skip to summer now?
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.