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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?