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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.