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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"