Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)