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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.