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Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll