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When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)