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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.