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Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.