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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face