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Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...