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I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.