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What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.