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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
lol I rotfl
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.