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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.