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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.